Saturday is my dad's birthday, he would have been 47. It's still really sinking in that he's not coming back. That I'm never going to see him again. Having to talk to people about him without crying. Seeing the way people look at my younger brother, and can see my dad in everything he does. I'm so fucking thankful I don't see dad when I look at Jordan. Anyways, back to Saturday. I'm spending the day with Jordan. We're going to the rodeo to watch a parade in the morning, and that night we're going to go downtown to see Sharks! On Fire! play. I'm... I'm going to be drinking, and I have no problems admitting that.

Sometimes I feel like I should post, so the few people that care can know I'm still alive... But then I shout "BEGONE INTERNET! I NEED YOU NOT!!" and go offline for a day or too... But always come crawling back, crying "I missed you internet, please forgive my ignorance."

Mix by aholelabledlove, artist's note: I wasn't sure what I was going to get when I didn't leave any notes for the author, but wow was I suprised. I'd like to thank rubytuesday5681 for thinking my mix was worth writing too. I'd also like to thank hesmagicandmyth and glo_starz for helping me decided when to call my mix "done". Both titles are click through links!

Mix Title: When Your Soul Departs
Fic Title: I Pray You Die Slowly, So I Could Be The Last Thing You See
Author: rubytuesday5681
Band(s): MCR
Pairing(s): Frank/Gerard
Summary: Gerard struggles as he mourns his grandmother's death during the recording of Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge. Frank supports and loves him and helps pull him through it.
Rating: Hard R                                           
Word Count: 7,749
Warnings: Lots of hurt/comfort and angst. Some fluff and schmoop. Lots of talk about death, dying, and the afterlife. Mentions of murder and suicide. Drinking, talk of alcoholism. Bareback sex.
Disclaimer: This is not real. I made this up in my head. None of this ever happened. I don’t own anyone in this story, they own themselves. I’m not making any money from this.
Author’s Note(s): Many thanks to my betas Jamie2109 and mnkyjnkieang. Established relationship, set just after Elena died while the band was writing/recording Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge.

I've been having a lot of moments lately where I sit back and really look at my life, or even just life in general. Normally it's the stars that unleash this slew of feeling and thought, but this time is different. This time, I was soaking in the rays of the sun, feeling the heat on my face, and you know what I realized? I'm blessed to be able to look around my life, and see several cases of true love. And the best part? A few of those true love cases I can see in my life, they're platonic relationships. Love that in a different life, they could be happily married together, but in this life they're perfectly content to be best friends, and enjoy each others company.

A good example of that, one night my room mate had a party. Her boyfriend and his best friend/room mate were both there. After a few beer, Chris looked me square in the eye and told me "If it wasn't for the sex, I would marry that fucker in an instant." All the while, he was pointing right at Brad (Who jokingly replied "What!? To much of a pussy to make an honest woman outta me?!")

Or a local band that I won't name, has a beautiful love song. That was actually written as a true bromance song between the singer and lead guitarist. (The singer also looked me square in the face and said "If he were a chick, I'd marry him right now.")

And then there's the fact, I've got two friends that I would do absolutely anything for. It doesn't matter that they're thousands of miles away from me, I love them with all my heart and there's nothing either of them could ever do to change that.

The most I've ever received is $2, but I once gave the "Tooth Fairy" just over $400 to take one of my teeth. (Aka, I had a wisdom tooth surgically removed, and it wasn't covered by my insurance.)

Okay, so I had a random musing whilst I was cooking today, and like most of my random musings, it makes me sound like a terrible person.


( Don't click this if you are super protective over cats. I SWEAR I love cats, but this post makes me sound terrible. )

I don't think you want me to answer this question, what with the daily mental breakdowns and all.

I want.... Bram Stoker, George A Romero, Boris Karloff, and Walt Disney. Why yes I'm completely aware of the fact poor Mr. Disney is a little out of place, but fuck you, this is my dinner party not yours.

LINKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!! I want to be BFF with Link, he's such a BAMF. We could totally be in an awesome indie band together, it'd rock.